The Feel-Good Secret to Achieving More
Let’s face it: setting goals can feel a bit like assembling IKEA furniture without instructions. You start out with the best intentions, a clear vision of that sleek bookcase (or perfect life), only to find yourself halfway through, holding a mysterious piece in one hand and wondering where it all went wrong. The problem? We often focus too much on action or result-based goals—like “exercise three times a week” or “lose 10 pounds”—and forget about the why behind them. That’s where emotion-based goals come in, and trust me, they’re the secret sauce you didn’t know you needed.
The Problem with Action/Result-Based Goals
Action-based goals are like those well-meaning New Year’s resolutions that usually fizzle out by February. They’re rigid, they focus on doing something specific, and they tend to come with a lot of pressure. “I must go to the gym three times a week,” we tell ourselves, but when life gets busy (as it always does), missing a workout feels like a failure.
Result-based goals aren’t much better. Sure, they give us something to aim for, like fitting into those skinny jeans or hitting a certain income level, but they can also turn into a relentless pursuit of something that might not even bring us real happiness. After all, what’s the point of hitting that target if you’re stressed, exhausted, and not enjoying the process?
Enter Emotion-Based Goals: The Feel-Good Alternative
Emotion-based goals flip the script. Instead of focusing on what you need to do or achieve, they center around how you want to feel. Want to feel more energised? Happier? Less stressed? These are the kinds of goals that can guide your actions in a way that’s more flexible, sustainable, and yes—enjoyable.Imagine setting a goal to “feel more vibrant and energized each day” instead of “work out five times a week.” Suddenly, the goal isn’t about forcing yourself into a rigid routine, but about exploring what actually makes you feel good. Maybe it’s a morning dance session in your living room, a walk in the park, or just getting a bit more sleep. The point is, you’re tuning into what truly lifts your spirits, rather than ticking off boxes on a to-do list.
Why Emotion-Based Goals Work (and Feel Awesome)
1. They’re Motivating: When your goals align with your desired emotions, you’re more likely to stick with them. Why? Because they feel good! You’re not slogging through a workout to meet some arbitrary unrealistic standard; you’re moving your body because it makes you feel alive and happy... and because you CAN!
2. They’re Flexible: Life is unpredictable, and that’s okay. Emotion-based goals are adaptable. If your usual workout isn’t doing it for you one day, you can switch it up without feeling guilty because the goal is to feel good, not to check off a box.
3. They Lead to Real Change: Chasing a feeling rather than a number on a scale or a line on your résumé often leads to more meaningful, lasting change. When you focus on feeling less stressed, for example, you might find yourself naturally making healthier choices across the board—like eating better, sleeping more, or setting boundaries at work—without even realizing it.
4. They Encourage Self-Compassion: Let’s say you set an action-based goal to meditate every morning, but then your toddler decides 5 AM is the perfect time to wake up and party. With a result-based goal, you might feel like a failure for not sticking to your routine. But if your goal is to “feel more centered and calm,” you can adapt—maybe you meditate in the afternoon instead, or take a few deep breaths while your child plays. Perhaps the very act of the interruption from your child provides you with the perfect opportunity to exercise calmness and remaining centered. The focus on feeling allows for more self-compassion and less self-judgment.
How to Set Emotion-Based Goals
Ready to try it out? Here’s a simple way to shift from action/result-based goals to emotion-based ones:
1. Identify How You Want to Feel: Start by asking yourself, “What emotions do I want to cultivate in my life?” Energised, peaceful, joyful, confident? Write them down.
2. Create your "I am" statement: "I am" statements are powerful tools when implementing emotion-based goals because they help to reshape your self-identity and internal dialogue. By affirming positive, present-tense beliefs about yourself, you align your thoughts with your desired emotional state and well-being. These statements reinforce your commitment to change, making your goals feel more attainable and real. They serve as daily reminders of your potential and help you internalize the emotions and behaviors you wish to cultivate, ultimately guiding you towards a more positive, healthy, and balanced life.
3. Feel it: it is important to feel your "I am" statements viscerally in your body because true transformation happens when your emotions and physical sensations align with your intentions. When you deeply feel the affirmation in your body, you engage your entire being—mind, body, and spirit—in the process of change. This embodied experience reinforces the belief at a deeper, subconscious level, making the statement more than just words. It becomes a lived truth, helping to rewire your emotional responses and behaviors, and accelerating the manifestation of your goals in a more profound and lasting way. This can be tricky at first which is why I strongly recommend my Choose You Yoga Nidra where I include a visualisation for stepping into your future you and experiencing these emotion based goals in the here and now.
4. Connect Actions to Emotions: Once you know how you want to feel, think about what actions, habits, or activities help you feel that way. These don’t have to be traditional goals—they can be small, daily choices that align with your desired emotions.
5. Be Open to Change: Remember, the goal is to feel good, so be flexible. If something isn’t making you feel the way you hoped, try something else without feeling guilty or discouraged.
6. Celebrate Your Feelings: As you start to focus on how you feel rather than what you do or achieve, take time to celebrate those good vibes. You’re no longer chasing results; you’re living them!
EXAMPLE:
So lets look at the Emotion Based desire of wanting to feel calm and centered. Please note that even the word "want" denotes something in the future that is still out of our reach. "I am" denotes it is here and now... which it is!
For starters, are you able to close your eyes and bring feelings of calm and centeredness into your body.
Where do you feel it? Spend some time there.
What things support you in feeling this way?
For me it is getting out in nature every morning. Stroking my cats. Practicing Yoga Nidra for at least 10 minutes a day. Pausing to take a deep breath before making any decisions or before responding to any circumstance. Inhaling my favourite essential oil. Gratitude. Looking out to the horizon. Placing my hands on my heart. Bare feet on the ground. Listening to gentle piano music. The list goes on...
You could set an action based goal to meditate for 15 minutes in nature every day... and this is great! But if the alarm doesn't go off, or your child wakes up poorly and its raining cats and dogs outside... can you still find that place inside of you that feels centered and calm. Can you respond to life's plot twists from this place? And what other things could you do, such as stroke a pet, take some deep breaths or "insert calming activity of your choice" to help you embrace this goal?
Conclusion: Feel Good, Achieve More
Emotion-based goals aren’t just a feel-good buzzword; they’re a powerful tool for creating a life that’s not only successful but also deeply satisfying. By focusing on how you want to feel rather than just what you want to do or achieve, you open up a world of flexibility, joy, and real, lasting change. So the next time you’re tempted to set a goal that sounds like a chore, ask yourself instead: how do I want to feel? You might just find that the path to success is paved with good feelings.
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