Let’s Talk Self-Sabotage (And How to Stop It!)
We all have dreams and goals, right? Maybe you want to write that book you always dreamed of, go on that round the World trip you keep talking about, finally get in shape, or just be a bit more organised in your day-to-day life. But somehow, despite your best intentions, you keep tripping over your own feet. You plan, you prepare, you’re ready to go—and then, boom! Out of nowhere, you find yourself binge-watching a series you’ve already seen three times, doom scrolling through social media, opening a bottle of wine or eating the entire contents of your goodies cupboard, instead of working towards your plans. Sound familiar? Welcome to the world of self-sabotage.
I have been on an incredible journey of self discovery these past few weeks, into the whys behind my own self sabotage, which I wanted to share a little here in this blog. Particularly as it seems to be a theme weaving its way through so many people's lives that I have spoken to this past week.
And with a beautiful big Super Blue Moon tonight, it is the perfect opportunity to shine its bright light on the shadows of our self sabotage and to release ourselves from its protective yet restrictive grips!
So, let’s dive in, have a little fun, and figure out how to stop being our own worst enemy.
What is Self-Sabotage, Anyway?
Imagine you’re driving down the road of life, and everything is smooth sailing. Then, suddenly, you yank the wheel, steer into a ditch, and wonder, "Why did I do that?" That, my friend, is self-sabotage. It’s when we consciously or unconsciously get in our own way, stopping ourselves from achieving what we really want.
It can show up in sneaky ways, like procrastination, perfectionism, over analysing, isolating, busying ourselves, self destructive coping mechanisms or even just good old-fashioned fear (what if I fail?).
Some common areas I see Self Sabotage show up in myself and others are:
Constantly busying oneself - rather than setting aside the time for ourselves, or for our projects / dreams, we fill our time with work, chores, socialising, mindless activities such as doom scrolling or binge watching TV - often convincing ourselves that we have no time for that which really matters to us
Over analysing emotions rather than actually feeling them - this is a big one that I witness in a lot of folk and have been guilty of myself! We recognise that an emotion is present, and choose to analyse it, pick it apart and try to find reason for it rather than simply allowing it to be, to process and express itself naturally. This often results in the emotion being supressed - stagnating and lying dormant, instead of being felt
Procrastination - I'll do it tomorrow. But sadly, tomorrow rarely comes.
"What if I fail?" - but what if you succeed? By never trying or attempting, you have already failed yourself. And actually, is there such a thing as failure? Or simply opportunities to adapt, learn, grow and evolve?
"What if I succeed?" - yes, some of us are actually afraid of success and what that might mean for us. More responsibility? More visibility? Further to fall?! One of my recent revelations came around my self sabotaging my health and wellbeing. My insights revealed that I felt most supported and loved when I was unwell (or pregnant). The deep rooted belief that I am unloveable and not worthy of support when I am healthy and well, was keeping me from being my healthiest happiest self.
These behaviors and beliefs aren’t just random quirks—they’re signs that something deeper might be going on.
Why Do We Do This to Ourselves?
Before you start giving yourself a hard time, let’s remember that self-sabotage isn’t about being lazy or unmotivated. Often, it’s our brain’s misguided way of protecting us from something it perceives as a threat. Here’s the kicker: that “threat” could be something awesome, like success or happiness, because those things come with change—but change can be scary!
Fear of the Unknown: Achieving your goals means stepping into new territory, and that can be terrifying. Even positive change can freak us out. But by never venturing into the abyss, we will never know what incredible opportunities, experiences and bliss could be waiting for us there.
Comfort Zones: We’re creatures of habit. We stick to what’s familiar, even if it’s not working for us, because it feels safe. For instance, I often avoid large crowds and social events because I am very sensitive to energies. I convince myself that I am protecting my peace by staying home, in my safe space with my children. But I am also robbing myself of enlightening connection, collaboration and joy shared with others.
Negative Self-Talk: That little voice in your head that says, "You’re not good enough" or "You’ll never succeed"—yeah, that’s a big driver of self-sabotage. Spoiler alert: that voice is a liar.
Let’s Get to the Bottom of This: Four Fun Journal Prompts
Ready to dig a little deeper? Grab your favorite pen, a cosy spot, and let’s get journaling! These prompts are designed to help you uncover whether you’re self-sabotaging and why.
1. What’s my go-to excuse when I don’t follow through on a goal?
We all have that one excuse we pull out of our back pocket when things get tough. Maybe it’s “I’m too tired,” “I don’t have time,” or “I’m not ready yet.” Write down your top excuse, then ask yourself—does this excuse really hold up, or is it just a sneaky way to avoid stepping out of my comfort zone?
2. If success were guaranteed, what would I do differently?
Imagine there’s no way you could fail. How would you approach your desires and dreams then? What steps would you take that you’re not taking now? This prompt can reveal where fear might be holding you back. Plus, it’s a fun way to daydream about your most confident, unstoppable self!
3. How do I react when things start going well for me?
Sometimes, success is scarier than failure. Do you start to self-sabotage just as things are looking up? Maybe you downplay your achievements or suddenly “lose interest” in something you were once passionate about. Write down your typical reactions and see if they’re serving you—or if they’re just your brain’s way of keeping things “safe.”
4. What limiting beliefs are at the root of your self sabotage?
When you find yourself procrastinating, busying yourself, hearing negative voices or you feel the fear - ask yourself "How is this serving me? How is this protecting me?"
Write down what comes through.
Now ask yourself "How is this holding me back and preventing me from achieving my dreams and being my best self?"
Note the responses.
Make this a common practice so that you automatically question your subconscious motives behind your actions and bring them into your consciousness where you can rationalise them.
Moving Forward: How to Stop the Sabotage
Now that you’ve done a little soul-searching, it’s time to take action. Start small. Recognise your patterns, challenge those negative thoughts, and take baby steps out of your comfort zone.
For instance, I am very sensitive to other people's energies and therefore, large crowds can often be overwhelming. Self sabotage tells me to stay home. Keep my distance from others. Isolate. My inner voice says this is me "protecting my peace" which to an extent, it is. But it is also preventing me from experiencing the joy of connection and laughter with others. Remember, human beings are social creatures who are wired for connection. To have a truly regulated nervous system it is essential to co-regulate with other human beings. Staying home alone only strengthens the belief that I am not safe among others and reinforces my social anxiety. I was invited to a large festival this past weekend, and immediately felt the fear. But doing the deep inner work I currently am, I set boundaries for myself so that I was able to leave if at any time I felt overwhelmed, and recognising my self sabotaging patterns, made the decision to go. And I am so thrilled that I did. I had a wonderful time, surrounded by beautiful people with good energies, who nourished my heart and soul and affirmed for me that life is full of goodness... if only we allow ourselves to receive it. Self Sabotage would have denied me that.
Little steps out of your comfort zone can lead to big wins.
Celebrate every little victory along the way because you deserve it.
Remember, self-sabotage is just a roadblock, not a dead end. With a little self-awareness and a lot of kindness towards yourself, you can steer back on course and reach your goals. So, next time you catch yourself reaching for the remote instead of your planner, pause, take a deep breath, and remind yourself—you’ve got this!
Here’s to getting out of our own way and making things happen! 🚀
Comments